I wonder sometimes about my heart and how it prepared itself to lead a rebellion.
People change, but only when they really need to. That’s when it’s especially hard because the other options obviously aren’t working. I fell in love when I was fifteen; I fell in love with one boy and stayed that way for eight years. It’s kind of awkward when you grew up and experienced so much, but with only one person. After it’s over all of a sudden all these insecurities you had as a barely teenage come back. Who’s going to love me? There’s no face to Mr. Right and there’s a chance there never will be.
I think that’s the most fucked up part about it, being so sure for so long and then doubting everything. Love isn’t what it seemed, what the hell changed? I guess that’s just it, nothing. At some point you kind of just float, but not in a good way. You float on only being nudged by those things barely important enough to sway you one way or another.
No one ever asks about the other person in a love song. It’s all about them; how they loved with all their love and it wasn’t enough. You know what? Most of the time, it isn’t enough.
I keep thinking about that ridiculous movie I watched a few months ago. In Tyler Perry’s Temptation, Judith is married to the only man she’s ever—well, anything basically. She is obviously unhappy and it takes a billionaire to make her realize what passion is. Don’t get ahead of yourselves though because we all know passion can lead to: cheating, cocaine, aids then a sad lonely life telling people your story pretending it was about your made up sister. At least that’s what Tyler Perry thinks.
Why did the miserable wife have to catch a fatal sexually transmitted disease on the first round of self expression? If Judith was as intelligent, ambitious, and centered as she is portrayed why does it only take some billionaire flirt for her to completely lose her ground? Maybe Judith doesn’t deserve that kind of story. The type where she divorces her unsupportive, birthday forgetting, dull husband that takes her for granted and finally goes out to find what she really deserves.
There is nothing wrong with listening to the voice inside that you’ve been ignoring for so long. Then we wonder about the resentment women feel towards men. Listen to your heart, but pay even more attention to your head.
Judith was right about people changing though, going through phases to become what they expect of themselves. I’m not sure we should avoid being tempted by these phases as the film suggest; change might be what we need after all.